Initially, I thought to myself that this would be an easy post. We all have pet peeves, and tons of them, or at least I thought we did. While trying to compose this short list of things that annoy me, I struggled a bit. On most of these, I had to wait until it occurred for me to deem it a pet peeve worthy of this list. Originally, I attributed these to certain people in my life, but I decided that maybe was not the nicest thing to do. And so without any further delay, here they are:
- Tardiness. It really is not that hard, friends. Most of us have the same schedule every week. Our lives are merely cycles that repeat. For me, I go to church, work, and school. Those are all constants. They happen every week. They even happen at the same time every week. Therefore, if I am habitually late, it points to my irresponsibility and lack of respect for those around me, particularly to those in leadership positions. Contrary to what a few of my friends believe, being late is not some fad that makes you a cool person. Plan accordingly.
- Driving. This one could be divided up into three or four different pet peeves, but in an effort to keep the number at ten, I have lumped them all together. First, people who fail to use turn signals. You, my friend, are lazy, and you need to stop. Be courteous and give a blinker. Next are those people who change lanes and get in front of me only to turn. Really? Moving on, the worst are those morons who pull out in front of you and cause you to have to apply the brake. If you pull out in front of me, I should never have to brake. You need to get your foot on the pedal and go. Get out of my way! Now, last but most certainly not least…if there were driving sins, this would be the cardinal driving sin…the fast lane is for people driving faster than the people in the slow lane. I should never pass you if I am in the slow lane and you are in the fast lane. Never! Speed up, or get off the highway.
- Audible eating. This includes smacking and slurping. Unless your only desire in this life is to be a nuisance to those around you, chew with your mouth closed. Not much I can say about that. I thought it was common sense anyways. Secondly, when you enjoy that nice bowl of chicken enchilada soup from Chili’s, STOP SLURPING! I should not hear you inhaling the soup. Your mouth is not a vacuum, I should not hear this sound. There is, however, one exception to the audible eating annoyance. It does not bother me to hear people crunching on ice. Chomp away, if you so desire. Consider this one a freebie.
- Biting eating utensils. I guess this could technically fall under audible eating, but it deserves its own spot. That is how much this one bothers me. In all of the world, there is no worse sound than to hear someone’s teeth biting down on their fork, and dragging the food into their mouth. Their teeth are scrapping the fork the whole time! Brothers and sisters, this ought not to be. People who eat like this should be starved until they learn to eat correctly. Use your lips to retrieve the food from the fork, not your teeth. Please, do not cause me to hear this unholy sound. If I were a betting man, I bet this is one of the few torturous sounds heard in Hell.
- One-uppers. When you are telling a story, these are the people who will leave no time for any questions or potential responses, because they have already started telling their story that is bigger and better than yours. If you are talking about a new restaurant that you have eaten at, they will immediately tell of a better place that they have been frequenting for all of time. If you tell of your most recent trip out-of-state, they immediately start telling of theirs and how the weather was greater wherever they were. If you get something new, they will be quick to point out that they had that same thing six months ago when it first came out.
- Funsuckers. Yes, I just formed a new compound word, funsuckers. We all know these people. Maybe they simply cannot help it, because I do not know who would want to be characterized by their supreme ability to suck the fun out of anything and everything. In the past couple of years, I have had the joyful opportunities to sponsor many youth functions, and there is inevitably always a sponsor that is this funsucker. The kids cannot do anything without being corrected. Let me say this to all parents out there, I will not rebuke and correct your child unless they are about to: kill someone, misrepresent the name of Christ, or something that would hinder their testimony. If you expect anything more out of me, I cannot do it. I am not a funsucker. It is not in my blood.
- People who correct the way I pronounce words. I have a certain friend who is always correcting the way I pronounce words. I think it is safe to say that this points to his or her lack of confidence in their own intelligence. If I ask you for help on the pronunciation of various words, feel free to help a brotha out. Otherwise, keep it to yourself. I am from the great State of Oklahoma. Here, we worry about more important things, like telling people about Jesus.
- Know-it-alls. Just because you have chosen a certain major and you have taken a couple of courses does not make you a professional. For example, I am a Sociology major. Just because that is what I am studying does not give me the right, or knowledge, to educate the rest of the world on everything that is remotely related to Sociology. If you are some sort of medical major, do not fool yourself into thinking you know it all. You do not. I can do just fine googling stuff myself. WebMD is always there for me, and they cannot post anything online that is not true. It is okay that we do not know everything. However, our pride oftentimes prevents us from admitting this. Personally, I want to act and appear as if I know everything. I am often tempted to make it sound as if I know what I am talking about, even if I do not. I will admit, I am guilty of this one.
- Uncommitted. We have fooled ourselves into thinking that we are a busy people, and by today’s standards, most of us probably are busy. In this life, we all make choices. Everyday we make choice after choice. Sure, things influence those choices, but when it comes right down to it, we as individuals make choices. You can make a choice to be committed to something, and when you do, you should be faithful to carry out that commitment. A particular friend of mine will regularly commit to doing something with me, and then back out at the last minute. Not cool friend, not cool. The time I remember most vividly was a couple of years back. I was going to the Hope Pregnancy Center Banquet. I was asked to bring a friend, and so I planned to do so. This friend, who shall remain anonymous, committed to going with me. I spoke with him that day to confirm it and all was a go. I called him to tell him I was on my way to pick him up and it was at that time he told me he was not going to go. WHAT?! Less than half an hour before the event, you decide you are not going to go? Do not be this person. The Scriptures say a couple of things to you kinds of people:
but let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one. Matthew 5:33
Now above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. Your “yes” must be “yes,” and your “no” must be “no,” so that you won’t fall under judgment. James 5:12
- Hygiene. Or lack thereof. I am going to group several things into this one category. First, let us deal with your stank. If you have a bad smell about yourself, please do not hesitate to ask me for a bar of soap. I can help you out. While we are on the topic of filth, allow me to mention cursing. If you curse, please know this is an unattractive and a very undesirable quality. There should be no reason that you have to substitute your everyday vocabulary with garbage. Next, I can tolerate facial hair on guys…if they can actually grow something. I do not, however, care to see all nineteen of your facial hairs. Live by this rule: if you can count them, shave them. Ladies, this goes without saying, but you are not allowed to have facial hair. Sorry. Also, brush your hair, please. I would love to be able to brush my hair, but I cannot. It keeps falling out. Do not take your beautiful hair for granted. Take care of it. Cherish it. Thank God for it.
What are your pet peeves? Did I miss anything that is obviously a universal pet peeve? What about me, what do I do that annoys you?